Nifty Howto: Make A Cake

With a Discworld Theme.

1. Get inspired. Go sit in awe of the pretty pictures on this site.
2. Forget everything that site said, and decide to improvise. Buy marzipan. Buy extra marzipan to take into account natural wastage in the production process, otherwise known as Scoffing Ye Self.
3. Also to buy: exciting range of food colourings. From experience, I would also suggest buying large bottle of industrial strength bleach to handle inevitable spillage.
4. Advertise yourself as decorator only. Get someone else to bake the damn sponge.
5. Get creative. Sculpt elephants, feet-fin things, turtle head and discworld. Note: do not disregard scale issue. Do not choke on ready-made icing.
6. Give up. Get talented blonde to do the whole thing for you:

   

7. Apply elephants:

   

8. Apply Disc. Attempt to convince world (and elephants) that extreme magic of the non-culinary sort not required, due to sticky glucose-based substance. Hope turtle stays asleep, or at the very least, docile.

   

9. Dismantle. Eat elephants with appropriate humane consideration:

   

10. Do NOT suggest playing Discworld version of Risk in order to resolve arising conflict over who gets to eat which territory.
11. Stand ready with stomach pump for idiot that ate Ankh-Morpork.
12. Slyly creep up on Cori Celesti before attempting to eat. Culinary deities not to be deliberately offended in any way.