March 2, 2004
Out The Otherside Of The Wardrobe
You have no idea just how many times I've drafted this entry. I'm going to post it this time. I really am. It's just getting ridiculous. I need to post it before it becomes too comical to post.
I really wish textboxes could talk back sometimes.
I don't normally draft entries. I normally just sit down and write, and whatever I end up with gets posted, for better or worse. I've been writing this particular entry ever since I first started blogging. That's... over six months ago. I didn't actually realise it had been that long, and this is way overdue.
Back in November, this post over at beautiful monsters almost made me do it. I felt rather guilty when I read that. Irrespective of that, though, it is about high time.
I'm gay.
There. Said it. I thought about just posting those two words without any accompanying babble, but it seemed a bit gimmicky, or sensationalist, or something else just a little inappropriate.
So why haven't I mentioned it before? I don't know. It just doesn't seem to be something that I write about. I'm not very good at this in RealLife either. It's not a conscious decision, it's just something I forget to mention. I mean, how do you bring it up into casual conversation?
That's my cue to insert some snippy sarcastic piece of example dialogue, illustrating exactly how not to do it. I hate writing dialogue. Boo hoo.
"Isn't the weather we're having simply frightful?""Well yes indeed, I do believe it couldn't possibly be worse."
"The most apalling March we've had in years, don't you know."
"Oh absolutely, I couldn't agree more. And by the way, I wouldn't shag anything with a dick under any conceivable everyday circumstances."
"Splendid, darling, simply splendid"
What do you mean, that's shit, uninventive, and pathetically weak satire? F**k off and go write your own coming out proclamation. I've been sitting on this for months, I just want to get the damn thing over with.
Sorry. Rant over.
I told my mum as she was driving me home from the station. We almost crashed.
Pretty much everyone else I know has found out rather accidentally. There was a certain conversation about Sigourney Weaver that outed me to my housemates, and the rest of my friends found out when certain relationships came to light that were of a particular nature that just couldn't be overlooked.
This entry's crap. It'll never read the way I want it to. Time to give up, throw standards to the wind etc etc. Am posting. Which I'm sure you'd gathered due to the actually reading it aspect of, well, reading it.
How much longer do you think I could ramble for in order to put off posting this? Posting. Like, for real this time.
Yeah. Just got to click.
*clicks*
[Edit]: Oh, crap, I really just posted that, didn't I? I, errr, really didn't mean to.
Posted by Missiedith at March 2, 2004 5:22 PM | TrackBackbout' time
We all knew for ages, becuase you left a draft copy of this comming out speech on Emmas computer before christmas and she found it. Dont tell her i told you as i dont think she wanted you to know that she knew (my memory is a little hazy of that period).
Anyways, good for you you are brave
Posted by: Richard at March 2, 2004 9:57 PMOh dear! No guilt-causing-ness was intended at all. But go you - yay. And I wish I'd thought up a line as brilliant as "And by the way, I wouldn't shag anything with a dick under any conceivable everyday circumstances." Hee.
*Hugs*
Fi.
Richard - don't worry about telling me, I already knew. And Emma knows that I know because I vaguely remember a conversation about it. And if she didn't know that I knew that she knew then she would have found out in the online "which housemate is the gayest" quiz session.
If anyone's interested, I was the gayest, the bitchiest, and the sluttiest. A night of revelation, to be sure.
Fi - I have found your blog to be nothing but supportive. It was helpful to have that little extra reason to push myself into posting this. *Hugs* Thankyou.
Posted by: Missiedith at March 3, 2004 12:04 AMI really hope you don't still regret posting this (but if youi do it's ok). I just wanted to say congratulations and that I'm really impressed by your strength. It's hard to tell people, so good on you for being so brave.
Posted by: caitlin at March 3, 2004 4:25 AMYou're gay? Omigosh. I never knew! *grin*
I really hope you don't regret that outing, because I don't think you need to.
Much Love. Will ring you tonight.
Celia
dunno why you're bothered about posting it, everyones gay these days!! its so passe :P
Posted by: rachel at March 3, 2004 12:27 PMYou mean it's gone out of fashion again? Ohmigod, I'm cured, I want the boys!
And I don't regret it. I already knew/hoped that pretty much everyone that read this blog wouldn't really care. The only thing I was stressing over was just how I was saying it, not what I was saying.
It's interesting that everyone sees this as an Outing. I suppose that's partly due to how I wrote it, but the actual fact is that I never considered myself to be really that closeted at all. It just occurred to me that I had never mentioned it here, and that I should probably remedy that at some point.
Posted by: Missiedith at March 3, 2004 1:05 PM