Basics

So, I should just sit down and start writing. It's the best way, the most rewarding way, and I'm comfortable wrapped up here in blankets on my laptop. It's a cold morning, or a cold midday, even though it's overcast for the first time in days. I like overcast. It means my cd player works. It's over 10 years old now, and it only works when the weather's overcast and rainy.

It's still cold. Still September and autumn has only just begun; already I am finding the practice of sleeping in thick woolly jumpers tedious. I'll be miserable soon, the feeling that I'll never be warm ever again will set in and I'll cling to my electric blanket. Curse this country and fantasise of warmer climes. The hot chocolate and porridge season is nearly here.

I sit down and start writing. I worry that I have nothing to write about, that I won't know how, that I got lost somewhere and the words won't come. I can't remember who I was when I wrote most of this blog, and the urge to move on in the chaos my life has descended into is strong. Finding the time to sit around and write is difficult. Producing anything that I want to do anything more with other than put through a cyber-shredder seems next to impossible.

My generally minimal confidence took a blow for whatever reason, and the only way to get that back, I think, is to get back into the habit of writing and finishing and posting. I really need to be able to write for the courses I'm doing at college, and I have to believe that if I put the work in I can get this back.

I like college at the moment. I did a year of a subject I fell into rather than chose at University, and now I'm back in the very first year of A-levels. I started this blog on the day I got my A-level results, and the whole year seems to have taken on topological impossibilities. Forwards and backwards at the same time, ending up at the beginning when I started at the end.

I have a crisis nearly every day and most of me wishes I could take the easy give-up option out. But I'll stick around, struggle through, cling to the bits I love. There shouldn't be as much pressure this time even though I seem to find more than enough for myself each day.

I can't remember where I was going with this blog entry, but I suppose that's ok. I'm just sitting down to write, cold feet tucked under, and I'll make whatever words I come out with work.