Navigational Errors

Sitting in internet café in Milton Keynes. Somehow seem to be attending Collectormania. This was not planned. I think I may give up on writing reports of how much money I don't have but mysteriously seem to have spent anyway at these things.

Instead I will recount the journey that got me here. Travel writer. That's me. Probably the most disastrous ever, due to the fact that my travel never goes as planned, and I generally forget to bring along something to write with.

To begin with I wasn't going because I had no money. Then I got paid. Which was very nice. Then I wasn't going because I had to work. Then I got the day off. Then I wasn't going because there weren't any guests I was particularly interested in.

For reasons that are still not quite clear to me, I found myself in Milton Keynes alighting from a coach. Things were going well up until that point. I've determined that much. Then, I started walking down a road, and that seemed to go well enough as well. I looked up how to get from the bus station to the hotel beforehand online and felt, if not confident, then at least carefree.

I walked through a village and swore never to leave the cities again. I walked down country paths and anticipated getting attacked by drug dealers. I circumnavigated a tree that had been blown down. I tried not to think of anyone losing their virginity in the field I was traipsing through.

I pitter-pattered over a cattle grid.

I got directions, and things seemed to be looking up. Then suddenly I was in the middle of a field, but there was no path. I made for the noisy road. I detoured around a bog. I realised the only gap in the fence was directly before me.

On the other side of the bog.

I crossed the bog, ended up having to climb the fence anyway, and after a little more stomping in miscellaneous directions, I found myself in a lorry park.

It occurred to me at this point that I had slightly less clue than any clue whatsoever as to my location, that it was getting dark, that my boots were no longer as foot-loving as they once were, and that Milton Keynes is an evil evil place. Somehow I doubt that I will be presented with the oppurtunity to kill the city planners horribly, as I strongly suspect that many others before me have partaken of this pastime. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some remains I can desecrate.

Mobile phones are a great advantage. I phoned the person I was supposed to be meeting (or rather she phoned me to find out where the hell I had got to and whether she was likely to get food in the next decade) and she came out to find me.

Long story short, we each stood at roundabouts and described them to the other, only to come to the realisation that

1. Milton Keynes is made up entirely of roundabouts.
2. Said roundabouts all look identical.
3. I should have got a taxi.

After going through 3 or 4 roundabouts between us, we eventually found each other and lived happily ever after. With taxis.

And then I spent lots of money that I didn't have.

Posted by Missiedith at April 29, 2005 5:33 PM | TrackBack