Anyway. I'd just like to apologise for our insanity, and post something we wrote whilst exceptionally bored, although we dont have the added excuse of bein pissed at the time unfortunately. And if you dont get some of the jokes thats ok, you're forgiven, its your loss, and our need of lithium and b/a goodness speakin.
Timeless
Extract from a scene and the background is this: An old english man has come to Sunnydale and tried to teach a lecture on English but then this annoying american boy corrects his english and says, 'shouldn't that be gotten, instead of got?' the englishman goes crazy - understandable really -and rants and raves on a mystical sign which he doesn't know is there. This inadvertantly curses all Americans and they have to talk in the style of Shakespeare (there's a whole other Shakespeare plot which you fine people don't need to know about). So, Buffy and Cordelia have this impediment and Spike and Angel don't (Angel, is Irish originally so shhhh). This is near the end of season 6/3 respectively so there's the whole Buffy/Spike, Cordy/Angel thing going on.
At Night (surprise!), in a park:
Buffy and Spike are walking along in the park talking, or not:
Buffy: For sooth I know not why I am so sad. You say it wearies you; it wearies me.
Spike: It’s not your sadness that’s wearying me; it’s your sodding language love.
Buffy: Your rough tone doth offend me! William, your language is not pleasing to mine ear, and I’ll thank you to cease your prattling.
Spike: Shhhh! I think I heard something
Buffy: How dare you hush me in such an uncouth manner! Hark, what noise in yonder grove is it that assaults my ears?
They arrive at a Pagoda
Spike: Hello? Did I not just say that? God, bloody women!
Angel and Cordy, enter in the middle of a lover's spat:
Angel: Yes, that's what I was just saying if you'd listen for a minute. God, bloody women!
Spike: Nice to see you're anger free as ever
Angel: Spike! My best friend, so good to see you, how have you been? Tell me all about yourself
Buffy: Angel! (looks flustered) Thou art a welcome interruption. What bringst thou to this unholiest of towns?
Spike: Yes. Talk. At great length. Please.
Angel: You're not affected?
Spike: Yeah, seems only the bloody yanks have got the timewarp tonge.
Angel: Which would explain why Wes was unaffected.
Spike: They let Anya off as well. Reckon they can't tell if she's a citizen of pudding island or not.
(buffy and cordy confer)
Angel: So do we think it's a spell or something?
Spike: No they just grew this way. Its the spellingeth and the gotteneth that did it.
Cordy: Ahem. Mine heart doth ache at such appalling speech.
Buffy: My ears art so stung as to bleed for the murder that you both hath done to our fair tongue.
Cordy: As the cultured element of our merry crew we are of one mind that it is the spell of an evil most unclean and heinous, undoubtedly a witch.
Buffy: I wholeheartedly agree, we must find this demon and destroy it. No mere human would be possible of such evil. Its diabolical cunning hath ensnared all of your minds.It beith of immediate necessity that this devilish creature be beaten with a stick
Cordy: Yes, indeed, the witch must be - for all your sakes - tied and burnt at the stake. I alone am immune to her toxicity; she cannot penetrate through this pure veil of visions.
Spike (aside to Angel): How long do you think they'd continue contradicting each other if we didn't interrupt?
Angel: I'm not sure, and though I wont grow old I will get bored so perhaps you should say something.
Spike: Me? Ha! You'd think that, but you'd be wrong. I sure as hell ain't having that tirade directed at me. Thankyou very much.
Angel: Chicken (proceeds to make clucking noises and turn in a circle raising his arms up and down)
Spike: How old are you man? And I don't see you quick stepping up to the job.
Angel: Fine, I hate being the one with the soul. Buffy, Cordelia!
(they turn and glare)
Angel: (coughs slightly) Spike has something to say to you
Spike: you say you have a soul, and yet...Buffy-there---is----something-------wrong------with-----you.
Buffy: William, speak plainly, for riddling confession shall find but riddling shrift.
Spike: (pauses) It is thou, fair Buffy that hast been affected by the...demon. And thou, Cordelia, that hast been affected by the...witch?
(Angel laughs hysterically in the background)
Spike: Shut up!
(Angel falls on the floor)
Angel: (gasping) Oh yes sirrah, for surely you are a person of true speech and poetry.
Buffy: Your tongue pleaseth me greatly.
(Spike and Angel stare at her. Angel stands again)
Spike: Maybe later hon, but we're both a little preoccupied at the moment.
Angel: Why you dirty little cockney vermin!
Cordelia: Vermin? Wherefore vermin?
Spike: Oh please! Don't be giving me that saintly crap, I know what you did last summer my boy! Poor Buffy here doesn't though does she? All she knows is that you left and she came running to me so what could I do? A wam blooded man like myself
Angel: (growls) That's it, bring it oooon!
Spike: I am for you sir!
(They fight. Buffy stands and watches dispassionately for a while, and Cordelia jumps up and down ineffectually)
Buffy: Gentlemen! Desist immediately, William, as thou hast no heart to break I shall not spare it and must tell you that your services are no longer required, farewell. Angel? You treacherous man, was our love truely forsaken? Me thinkst not, ah I have remembered me, Cordelia ist your wench now is she not?
Angel: My wench? Well she does do my laundry... But isn’t Spikey-boy here your green eggs and ham?
Buffy: Twas so, sweet lechorous love, alas my heart is averse to breakfast foods, and revolts like my stomach. Doth thine eyes in truth preference such mixed up coiffure as perches upon the head of thy Cordelia?
Angel: Not exactly sure what you're saying but I think I like it. Here's the point; you rule, and I think we should go off into the..sunset, errr....... no, sunrise....moonrise? whatever! We should get back together what do you say?
Buffy: Your language vexes me, here's the nub, I love thou, and though we are but star-crossed lovers, I defy you stars and fate and the heavens above. Take me, Angel, my heart doth beat within.
Angel: I still don't know what the hell you're talking about but you're not hitting me which is always a good sign, so, (takes her hand and starts to walk off)
Spike: Guess it's just you and me then sweetheart
Cordelia: (makes the 'W' sign with her thumbs and fingers) Whatever!
Spike: well I guess that is timeless
Exit pursued by a bear
